Balls of Doom

So my kids have resumed being hilarious.

“I’ll put it on my balls and you can come and get it”

We, as humans, form strange attachments to lots of things. I have this painting of absolutely no value that is in really horrible condition that I refuse to give up or move because it hung in my grandmother’s dining room for as long as I can remember. My husband hoards junk. We all do this. So of course it is understandable that when we enter the world of psychiatry, we’re going to see this behavior in a more severe manifestation.

I have a patient with a very sad story. We will name him Freddy. He has gone through a lot in the last few years. He made some bad decisions, and through those bad decisions contributed to the death of a friend and to his own permanent disability. Freddy also is narcissistic, thinks rules don’t apply to him, and that he’s going to get the crazy music lady’s phone number.

Freddy has an article of clothing that the friend died in that he keeps with him at all times. For purposes of clouding the story, we’ll say that this is a headband.  Now, unit policy specifically states that no headbands are allowed on the unit. Freddy already had to be put into seclusion once because he became so upset about the potential loss of his headband, that in treatment team, we were suggesting two things: One,  you follow the rules and give us the headband to be kept in contraband, and Two, you make sure no one steals your headband and give it to us to be kept in contraband.

Freddy did not like this idea. Freddy said we will end up abusing and manhandling him to get the headband because he will just hold it and never let go. He went on the criticize the facility, saying we weren’t helping him because he isn’t crazy, he just has behavior issues, he has had no therapy other than the music counseling thing (at which point he retracted and said, “but that’s not really counseling..” hahah, at least I got more of a shout out than everyone else!) and that he’s right and the rules should change for him. He proceeded to drive the team meeting so far off course that the team called the meeting to an end and he parted us with this gem:

“I’ll put it on my balls and you can come and get it”

It was SO HARD to not burst out laughing right there.

I love my children. Them and their threats to wrap their balls in headbands.

Related posts:

1. Threats on your life
2. Boundaries
3. In the words of Britney: You Drive Me Craaaazy
4. Inherent Dangers of the Job
5. Back for Real This Time